Cognitive Therapy Techniques: 5 Steps to Stop Worrying

In today's fast-paced world, worry and chronic stress have become everyday experiences for many. Our constant exposure to social media feeds and 24-hour news updates means our brains are flooded with anxiety-provoking content almost nonstop. Even with years of economic expansion, uncertainty around jobs, finances, and the future has only increased. At work, the pressure to multitask and “do more with less” has fragmented our focus and elevated anxiety levels across the board. As these stressors pile up, finding effective, research-based ways to calm the mind has never been more essential.

If you're grappling with ongoing anxiety, chances are that excessive worry plays a major role. While worrying can sometimes feel useful—helping you plan ahead or avoid potential pitfalls—it often backfires. For many people, worry becomes a source of distress rather than a helpful strategy. Fortunately, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) offers practical tools to address this cycle. One evidence-based CBT technique involves evaluating whether your worry is productive or unproductive. When a worry is identified as unproductive, it's easier to release it, rather than ruminate endlessly.

To start this process, try asking yourself a few key CBT-inspired questions designed to clarify whether your worry is helping or harming. These self-reflection questions can bring clarity and interrupt the worry loop, allowing you to regain a sense of calm and control.

Cognitive Restructuring: 5 Questions to Get Rid of Intrusive Thoughts and Worry

1. What do you predict will happen, and what is the likelihood it will happen? Identify in detail what you are most concerned will happen. If it’s giving a speech, it may be people laughing at or heckling you. If you’re worried about a difficult interaction with someone, you may fear someone will yell at you or reject you in some way. If the concern is about making a mistake at work, you may fear being fired. Whatever the situation, consider what it really is that you are most afraid of. Oftentimes, just specifically identifying what we fear can help us realize our anxiety may be unfounded.

Once you identify the perceived threat, make some evidence-based predictions about how likely the threat is: Is this an accurate prediction, or is this fortune telling? How many times have you experienced this worst-case scenario before? (Does the person you’re thinking about often yell at others? Is it common for you or someone else to be laughed at during speeches? How often are people fired at your work, and when they are, what sorts of/how many infractions lead to their firing?) Would there be steps you could take to reduce the likelihood of your fear coming true? Could you, for instance, craft a sensitive way of being assertive in your feared interaction? How could you influence the outcome more in your favor? Given the situation you fear, is this a plausible outcome? (Do you really think people will heckle you at a professional conference?)

2. What are the best case scenario and most likely scenarios? Some people are already experts at identifying the worst-case scenario. In fact, they’re so good at it that they forget to consider other possibilities. It is helpful also to consider the best-case scenario, which is often equally as plausible as the worst-case. Finally, after identifying the extremes, consider what the most likely scenario is. Usually, our minds drift toward the more extreme potential outcomes, when in reality, the extremes happen less often. If you have difficulty identifying the most likely scenario, it may be helpful to find a scenario that has some degree of negative outcome paired with some degree of positive outcome. For instance, “I’ll give the speech, and there will probably be some people who are bored and some people who are really interested.”

3. How many times have you made this prediction, and it came true? Another way to consider the usefulness of your worry is actually to count how many times the worst-case scenario has happened. If you’ve driven on the freeway 100 times in the past year and have never gotten into an accident, those odds indicate your worry may be disproportionate. Even if you have been in an accident, your level of worry may have made it feel like it was a 50% chance, thus causing unnecessary fear. 

4. If the worst-case were to happen, what would you do to cope with it? People generally end their worrisome predictions right at the worst moment. You may find it helpful to think about what would happen next, specifically, what you would do to get through the difficult situation. If you do fail the test, you might be disappointed for the rest of the day, curl up on the couch with a pint of ice cream and watch T.V. Then you’ll probably get back on the horse by finding out what you did wrong and altering your study strategy so you pass the next time. Although failing an important exam is unpleasant, you probably have a lot you could do to deal with it effectively. Consider that, too!

5. What are the costs and benefits of worrying about this? Finally, examine how effective it is to worry about this situation. Some degree of worry may be helpful in motivating you to prepare. Too much, on the other hand, may paralyze you and become a self-fulfilling prophecy. And some things, no matter how much you worry about them, you don’t have any control over. In these latter two instances, the worry is self-defeating. It is unproductive worry.

When you identify a worry as unproductive, you can tell yourself, “Thinking about this is of no use to me now. Let it go.” Then, immediately refocus your mind on what’s actually going on around you. By rehearsing this behavior, intentionally letting go of worries again and again, you learn to become less consumed by anxiety and worry.

This technique comes from a cognitive behavioral therapy protocol for generalized anxiety. CBT for generalized anxiety has been found to be 70%-80% effective in significantly reducing anxiety symptoms, as compared to a 30% effectiveness rate of traditional talk therapy (Durham, 1995). CBT for anxiety works best with the help of a trained cognitive-behavioral therapist. If you or someone you know has problems managing anxiety, click here for more information about CBT for Anxiety. 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Los Angeles is a therapy practice of expert psychologists with the highest level of training and experience in providing evidence-based treatment. Click the button below to ask a question or schedule a consultation to determine whether CBT is right for you.

Durham, R.C. (1995). Comparing treatments for generalized anxiety disorder: Reply. British Journal of Psychiatry, 166, 266-267.

Cognitive Distortions: Mind Reading

Mind Reading: A Common Cognitive Distortion in CBT

In today’s fast-paced, complex world, our brains are constantly working to simplify and interpret situations quickly. One way we do this is by taking mental shortcuts—snap judgments that help us size up a situation with minimal information. While these shortcuts are often helpful, this type of thinking sometimes lead to distorted thinking patterns. In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), we refer to these errors in thinking as cognitive distortions.

One of the most common—and misleading—cognitive distortions is called mind reading. This happens when you assume you know what someone else is thinking, despite having little or no real evidence. Although it may feel automatic or even protective to assume you know what others are thinking, mind reading can easily lead to negative emotions, especially in the context of social anxiety, depression or low self-esteem.

How Mind Reading Impacts Mood and Mental Health

When we engage in distorted mind reading, we often jump to inaccurate, negative conclusions: She thinks I’m weird, or Everyone noticed I was late and is judging me. These untested assumptions can increase self-consciousness, reinforce anxious thoughts, and trigger cycles of rumination and avoidance. Over time, relying too heavily on mind reading often leads to everyday social interactions feel overwhelming, which may worsen symptoms of anxiety and depression. Mind reading and other cognitive distortions in relationships can also create negative interactional patterns, resulting in conflict and hurt feelings.

That said, it’s worth noting that mind reading isn’t always harmful. Humans are naturally wired to make sense of nonverbal cues and body language. If someone gasps or their jaw drops in response to what you’ve said, you’re probably right to assume they’re surprised. In these cases, you're using social intuition, not a cognitive distortion. The problem arises when we make unfounded assumptions in ambiguous situations—or when we interpret neutral behavior in a negative light.

Real-Life Examples of Mind Reading

• A student sitting alone in the cafeteria assumes others think she’s a “loser.”

• An employee who arrives late imagines coworkers are silently judging him.

• Someone avoids speaking up in a meeting because they’re convinced others will think their ideas are stupid.

These thoughts may feel real, but they’re guesses, not facts—and they can have a powerful and unhelpful effect on your mood, self-image, and behavior.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Techniques to Challenge the Mind Reading Distortion

Below are several evidence-based CBT-based questions and tools to help you examine and challenge distorted mind reading patterns:

1. Identify the Thought

Ask yourself: What exactly do I think the other person is thinking?
Putting your assumption into words—whether by writing it down or saying it out loud—can help you gain distance from it and spot faulty logic more clearly.

2. Weigh the Costs and Benefits

Thoughts aren’t just true or false—they also come with emotional costs and benefits. For example, believing your coworker is judging you might make you feel more guarded (a perceived benefit), but it also increases anxiety, reduces your sense of connection, and keeps you stuck in a self-critical loop.

Ask yourself: Would I choose to keep this thought or way of thinking if I had to pay for it?

3. Examine the Evidence

What actual evidence supports your prediction? What evidence contradicts what you predict?
We often focus only on confirming evidence and ignore the signs that might challenge our assumption. Gathering data from both sides offers a more objective and balanced perspective—a key skill in CBT.

4. Ask What It Really Means

If your thought were true, what would it say about the other person—or about you?
For instance, if someone doesn't like your outfit, does that mean you're unlikable—or that they have a different taste?
Also, ask yourself: Is it realistic to expect everyone to like me all the time?

5. Test the Thought

Can you run a real-world experiment to see if your assumption holds up?
What would need to happen to convince you it’s true—or false?

6. Try Acting Opposite

If the thought makes you want to withdraw, do the opposite: approach.
Avoiding eye contact? Try saying hello. Worried your coworker thinks you're incompetent? Ask them a question or offer to collaborate.
Behavioral experiments like this not only disprove assumptions but can also disrupt self-fulfilling prophecies.

Rewiring the Habit of Mind Reading

Learning to recognize and challenge the mind reading cognitive distortion can significantly reduce social anxiety, self-doubt, and emotional distress. As part of a broader CBT approach, these psychology techniques can help you build emotional resilience and form more realistic, empowering thought patterns.

Want to learn more about how CBT can help you break free from negative thinking habits in daily life? Explore our other resources and tools at the top of this page, or click the button below to ask a question or schedule a consultation.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Los Angeles is a therapy practice of expert psychologists with the highest level of training and experience in providing evidence-based treatment. Click the button below to ask a question or schedule a consultation to determine whether CBT is right for you.

Cognitive Distortions in Relationships

Cognitive Distortions in Relationships

Romantic relationships often come with their fair share of challenges—communication breakdowns, emotional misunderstandings, and hurt feelings can all take a toll. While no relationship is perfect, one of the most important psychological tools we can develop to sustain a healthy, long-term connection is psychological flexibility—the ability to consider multiple perspectives and remain open to different interpretations. When we practice psychological flexibility, we’re more likely to respond with empathy and curiosity rather than defensiveness or blame.

A powerful way to build this flexibility is by identifying and challenging cognitive distortions—habitual, distorted thinking patterns that interfere with how we interpret our partner’s actions and intentions.

What Are Cognitive Distortions?

Cognitive distortions are unhelpful patterns of thinking that do not accurately represent what is happening. In the context of relationships, they can fuel unnecessary conflict, heighten emotional reactivity, and damage trust over time. These mental habits can lead us to draw faulty conclusions, misread our partner’s behavior, and engage in unhelpful reactions.

It’s completely normal to fall into these thinking traps occasionally. But when they become habitual, cognitive distortions can contribute to serious relationship problems—including emotional distance, resentment, and recurring arguments.

The good news is that by becoming aware of these patterns, we can begin to challenge them and choose more balanced, reality-based thoughts. This approach, commonly used in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for couples, helps improve communication, reduce conflict, and build emotional intimacy.

Common Types of Cognitive Distortions in Relationships

The most common cognitive distortions are listed below:

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking (Black-and-White Thinking)

2. Overgeneralization

3. Catastrophizing (Magnification or Minimization)

4. Personalization

5. Mind Reading

6. Discounting the Positive

7. Emotional Reasoning

8. Should Statements

9. Labeling and Mislabeling

10. Fortune Telling

What is All-or-Nothing Thinking (Black-and-White Thinking)?

All-or-nothing thinking, sometimes referred to as black-and-white thinking, is a common cognitive distortion where individuals interpret experiences in extreme, either/or categories. Instead of recognizing the full spectrum of possibilities, someone caught in this pattern may label events—or even themselves—as either a total success or a complete failure, with no in-between.

This kind of rigid thinking oversimplifies complex situations. For example, you might believe, “If I don’t accomplish everything on my to-do list today, I’ve completely failed.” Or, “If I don’t ace this presentation, I’m terrible at my job.” These distorted beliefs ignore partial progress and meaningful effort, leading to unnecessary stress, frustration, and self-criticism.

All-or-nothing thinking often sets unrealistic standards, making it harder to feel satisfied with your performance, relationships, or even day-to-day accomplishments. By minimizing small wins or incremental progress, this pattern can chip away at your self-esteem and contribute to anxiety, depression, and burnout. It can also harm relationships, as it may lead you to see others as either “always supportive” or “never there for me,” rather than appreciating their nuances and intentions.

The inability to acknowledge the “gray areas” in life not only distorts your internal dialogue but also places undue pressure on your emotional well-being. Over time, this creates a cycle of perfectionism, chronic dissatisfaction, and emotional overwhelm.

All-or-Nothing Thinking in Relationships

All-or-Nothing Thinking can strain friendships by fostering unrealistic expectations. We may struggle to accept imperfections, leading to dissatisfaction and conflict. This extreme mindset inhibits compromise, making finding common ground in disagreements challenging and hindering healthy interpersonal dynamics.

• Polarizing Dynamics: Viewing people as either entirely good or entirely bad can lead to extremes in relationships. It becomes challenging to appreciate the nuances of individuals, and conflicts may escalate quickly.

• Perfectionist Expectations: Applying an all-or-nothing standard to yourself or others can create unrealistic expectations. This may lead to disappointment, frustration, and a sense of failure when these expectations are unmet.

• Difficulty Compromising: All-or-nothing thinkers may struggle with finding middle ground or compromise in disagreements, as they tend to see only one "right" solution.

What is Overgeneralization?

Overgeneralization is a cognitive distortion where individuals draw sweeping conclusions based on limited evidence. One negative experience is generalized to an overarching belief, leading to the expectation that similar outcomes will occur in unrelated situations.

Overgeneralizing happens when we face a setback in one area and jump to the conclusion that we're just no good at anything. This kind of thinking doesn't give credit to our potential for success in other parts of life, holding back our confidence and exploration of different abilities.

Overgeneralization in Relationships

Overgeneralization in relationships can lead to unwarranted prejudices and misunderstandings. We may unfairly generalize negative traits or behaviors, eating away at trust and creating barriers to forming new connections. This distortion can contribute to a lack of openness and hinder the development of authentic relationships.

• Stereotyping: Overgeneralizing based on limited experiences can lead to stereotyping, where we make assumptions about an entire group of people. This can contribute to prejudice and misunderstanding.

• Relationship Pessimism: Assuming that negative experiences in one relationship will repeat in all relationships can hinder the development of new connections. This mindset can lead to isolation or a fear of getting close to people.

• Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: Believing that your past experiences will inevitably repeat can influence behavior in a way that makes these negative expectations more likely to come true.

What is Catastrophizing (Magnification or Minimization)?

Catastrophizing involves anticipating the worst possible outcomes and magnifying the significance of negative events. This distortion can contribute to heightened anxiety as individuals imagine catastrophic consequences, often disproportionate to the actual circumstances.

Ever catch yourself catastrophizing? Picture this: a delayed train leads to thoughts of missing a crucial meeting and losing your job. This kind of thinking can make us unnecessarily stressed, pushing us towards impulsive decisions and causing emotional distress.

Catastrophizing in Relationships

Catastrophizing intensifies negative events, causing unnecessary panic and tension in relationships. Overreacting to minor issues can strain connections, and when we catastrophize, we might become overly controlling to prevent perceived disasters, stifling the autonomy and spontaneity that healthy relationships thrive on.

• Heightened Anxiety: Constantly expecting doom can create anxiety and tension in relationships. Minor issues may be blown out of proportion, causing poor mental health.

• Avoidance of Risks: Fearing catastrophic outcomes might lead to an unwillingness to take risks or try new things in relationships. This can limit personal and relational growth.

• Over-Reliance on Reassurance: Individuals who catastrophize may seek constant reassurance from their partners, which can strain intimacy and create a sense of emotional dependence.

What is Personalization?

Personalization occurs when individuals take undue responsibility for events beyond their control, attributing external occurrences to themselves. This distortion can lead to unwarranted guilt, self-blame, and an inflated sense of personal accountability for various situations.

In Personalization, we blame ourselves for things we have no business blaming ourselves for. If a friend cancels plans, we might assume it's because we're not interesting enough. This thinking can make us feel guilty and distort our sense of personal accountability.

Personalization in Relationships

Personalization in relationships leads to unwarranted self-blame for external events, fostering feelings of guilt and inadequacy. This negative thinking pattern can hinder empathy, as we may struggle to recognize and respond to the needs of others. The constant fear of rejection can impede authentic engagement in relationships.

• Blame and Guilt: Taking excessive responsibility for events outside our control can lead to self-blame and guilt. This can create a negative cycle where we feel burdened, and intimacy becomes strained.

• Difficulty Accepting Constructive Criticism: Personalizing feedback can make it challenging to accept constructive criticism. Instead of viewing feedback as a way to grow, we may interpret it as a personal attack.

• Assuming Negative Intentions: Personalization can lead to assuming that others' actions or words are directed at us, even when they're not. This can lead to unnecessary conflicts and misunderstandings.

What is Mind Reading?

Mind reading is a distortion where individuals assume they know what others think or feel without concrete evidence. This tendency can lead to misinterpretations, misunderstandings, and strained relationships as people make assumptions about others' intentions.

Imagine interpreting a lack of smiles during a meeting as a sign that others aren't confident in our abilities. This kind of pattern can create tension lead to self-doubt and low self-esteem.

Mind Reading in Relationships

Mind Reading can create communication barriers and misunderstandings in relationships. Assuming knowledge of others' thoughts without validation leads to misinterpretations and conflicts. This distortion erodes trust, as it undermines open communication and fosters a climate of suspicion and miscommunication.

• Misinterpretation: Assuming you know what others are thinking without clear communication can lead to misinterpretations and misunderstandings. This can create unnecessary conflict in relationships.

• Failure to Seek Clarification: Believing you already know someone's thoughts may discourage open communication. This lack of communication can prevent the resolution of misunderstandings or conflicts.

• Building Resentment: Mind reading can lead to making assumptions about others' intentions, fostering resentment and distance.

What is Discounting the Positive?

Discounting the positive involves minimizing or dismissing positive experiences, achievements, or qualities. Individuals who engage in this distortion may struggle to acknowledge their successes, leading to a skewed self-perception and diminished self-esteem.

Ever downplay your successes? That's Discounting the Positive. Maybe you aced a project, but you chalk it up to luck rather than acknowledging your skills. This can lead to imposter syndrome and chip away at your self-confidence over time.

Discounting the Positive in Relationships

Discounting the Positive diminishes joy and satisfaction in relationships. We may struggle to acknowledge and celebrate achievements, leading to a lack of appreciation. This negative thinking pattern fosters a negative atmosphere, as positive aspects are downplayed, hindering relationship growth and mental health.

• Undermining Self-Esteem: Constantly downplaying positive experiences or achievements can contribute to low self-esteem and habitually negative thoughts. This can affect how we perceive ourselves in relation to others.

• Failure to Acknowledge Efforts: Discounting positive aspects of the relationship, such as acts of kindness or support, can lead to ungratefulness and dissatisfaction.

• Difficulty Expressing Gratitude: We may struggle to express gratitude, making it challenging to build a positive and appreciative relationship.

What is Emotional Reasoning?

Emotional reasoning occurs when individuals believe their emotions reflect objective reality. This distortion leads to decision-making based on emotional responses rather than a balanced evaluation of the situation, often hindering effective problem-solving and rational thinking.

In other words, Emotional Reasoning is when your feelings dictate reality. For instance, feeling anxious about public speaking may lead you to believe you must be terrible at it, holding you back from personal and professional growth by avoiding opportunities based on irrational fears.

Emotional Reasoning in Relationships

Emotional Reasoning in relationships allows emotions to dictate perceptions and actions. Decisions based solely on emotions may lead to impulsive reactions and misunderstandings. This distortion hinders effective conflict resolution, as emotional responses override rational problem-solving, impacting relationship stability.

• Misinterpretation of Feelings: Believing that emotions equate to facts can lead to misinterpretation of our own and others' feelings. This can contribute to unnecessary conflicts and emotional distress.

• Decision-Making Based on Emotions Alone: Relying solely on emotional reasoning may result in impulsive decision-making without considering logical or practical aspects of a situation. This can lead to regret and strain in relationships.

• Difficulty in Problem-Solving: Emotional reasoning can interfere with effective problem-solving, as decisions are driven primarily by emotional responses rather than a balanced perspective of what's actually going on.

What are Should Statements(Shoulding)?

Should statements involve imposing unrealistic and rigid expectations on oneself or others. This cognitive distortion can lead to feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and frustration when these expectations are not met, contributing to a negative and judgmental mindset.

Should Statements involve creating unhelpful rules for yourself, like thinking you should always be cheerful. Feeling guilty for experiencing sadness can foster a judgmental mindset, leading to emotional distress and inauthenticity.

Should Statements in Relationships?

Should Statements create tension by imposing unrealistic expectations. Individuals may feel constant judgment and inadequacy, fostering a negative atmosphere. The rigidity of should statements can hinder flexibility and compromise in relationships, making it difficult to accept deviations from predetermined expectations and potentially leading to conflict.

• Unrealistic Expectations: Imposing "should" statements on oneself or others can create unrealistic expectations that are difficult to meet. This can lead to feelings of failure and frustration in relationships.

• Judgment and Criticism: Using "should" statements can contribute to a judgmental and critical mindset, making it challenging to accept differences and appreciate individuals for who they are.

• Control Struggles: Should statements may lead to power struggles in relationships, as individuals try to impose their expectations on others. This can create tension and conflict.

What is Labeling and Mislabeling?

Labeling and mislabeling involve assigning global, negative labels to oneself or others based on specific behaviors. This distortion fosters a distorted self-image and hinders empathy by oversimplifying complex individuals into negative categories.

Another way of thinking about this distortion is being overly judgmental. Forget a friend's birthday and label yourself as a terrible friend? That's this distortion at play, distorting your self-image and chipping away at our own mental health.

Labeling and Mislabeling in Relationships

Labeling and Mislabeling oversimplify complex individuals, contributing to misunderstandings and misjudgments in relationships. Assigning global, negative labels based on specific behaviors distorts self-image and affects self-esteem. This judgmental mindset can hinder appreciation for the complexities of individuals within a relationship, straining connections.

• Creating Stereotypes: Labeling others based on specific behaviors can contribute to the creation of stereotypes, hindering the development of authentic connections and understanding.

• Self-Fulfilling Labels: Internalizing negative labels can influence behavior, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy where people conform to the negative expectations imposed upon them.

• Lack of Empathy: Labeling can reduce empathy by oversimplifying complex individuals into negative categories. This can hinder the ability to understand and connect with others on a deeper level.

What is Fortune Telling?

Fortune telling is a distortion where individuals predict negative outcomes without sufficient evidence or expect the worst-case scenario to happen. This cognitive bias can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies as individuals shape their behavior based on pessimistic predictions.

In Fortune Telling, we assume we know what's going to happen before it does. Imagine anticipating failure and unemployment before a job interview—that can heighten anxiety, impact your performance, and limit opportunities for personal and professional growth.

Fortune Telling in Relationships

Fortune-telling introduces negativity and self-fulfilling prophecies into relationships. Predicting negative outcomes without evidence can create unnecessary anxiety and stress, impacting emotional well-being. Individuals who engage in fortune-telling may unknowingly shape their behavior based on pessimistic predictions, limiting relationship growth and opportunities.

• Unnecessary Anxiety and Stress: Fortune telling in relationships breeds constant anxiety as we fear and anticipate negative outcomes, creating a tense atmosphere that can affect emotional well-being and overall relationship dynamics.

• Self-Fulfilling Prophecies: Engaging in fortune-telling inadvertently influences behavior, potentially leading to actions that align with predicted negative outcomes. This self-fulfilling prophecy cycle can perpetuate negativity and hinder positive relationship development.

• Limiting Relationship Opportunities: Fortune telling may cause us to avoid new experiences or opportunities within the relationship, stifling personal and relational growth. This avoidance pattern can lead to stagnation and a lack of excitement in the relationship over time.

These distorted thought patterns can contribute to misunderstandings, conflicts, and strained connections within relationships. Addressing and challenging these cognitive distortions is crucial for fostering healthier and more resilient interpersonal dynamics and better overall mental health. Cognitive-behavioral therapy focuses on identifying harmful cognitive distortions, and learning new ways to see things more clearly and flexibly. Click here for more information about cognitive behavioral therapy. Or click the button below to schedule a free consultation with a cognitive-behavioral psychologist to work on your own cognitive distortions.